A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey… but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong. So every day I get STRONGER!

Archive for August, 2012

I will send you a sign…Alunde, alunde

I know I should be sleep but I was given a sign today and I had to fully acknowledge that I had seen it and would take it to heart. Pulled out the workings of my book and it has been so many days; ok months since I looked at it or worked on it that the words just blew me away. I was reminded again why it’s been so hard for me to finish. In a word it’s pure procrastination but on another level it STONE COLD FEAR! Over the years as I’ve watched my eldest daughter grow up I have learned that she can be brutally honest. As I read over some of the pages of my book I realized where she got that trait from. This book is hard to write, but I can’t let it go. It always comes back boomeranging around me in one big circle to the point where I can’t go any other way. This is not just something I want to do, this is something I’m being CALLED TO DO. I can’t shake it.

Nope, nope, nope, I know what you’re thinking, but no this is not my only calling but it’s one that I must fulfill to keep my energy flowing in the right direction. I keep trying to go right and it’s constantly steering me to go left. I think it’s time I REALLY LISTENED.

Had a nice conversation with my aunt on the subject and it is just Divine how God uses people to send His message. One thing that was stated that really grabbed my soul, ” Me not fulfilling my calling could be hindering someone else from fulfilling theirs.” The universe is waiting and I’m just dragging my feet like I’m the only one affected. We’re all connected and we owe it to each other to stop jaw japping and tip toeing around the things we know we need to do. Somebody needs us to be great so that they might find their greatness too. Baby steps are okay, just GET MOVIN!

MY SOUL

This is a poem for my soul always searching yet I’ve denied a thousand times.

Whose gentle prodding stood strong in my suppression,

heartfelt whispers and poetic musings

flung incessantly at my mind.

Alive with fiery vision; it’s birth halted by my inability to be free.

Though I have learned and relearned this gift FOREVER.

For when I need to listen you are there to guide me

yet because fear took hold and grabbed me you were pushed aside and rejected.

PERSISTENCE & DETERMINATION

Now I feel that no one can have a voice without first acknowledging his soul

and one must love & accept until it overtakes him.

I believe every soul can be passionate

especially mine.

So I write this for my voice, my words, my FREEDOM;

for my soul, Life Eternal,

day one going on forever…

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Chasing away the meanies

If I didn’t tell you, would you know? If you knew, would you care? It’s okay, I’m used to it and for the most part I think I’m over it. Truth be told though I’ve dealt with the meanies more often than I care to count. You don’t know who they are you say: LUCKY YOU! Chances is are though you’ve met them on some occasion in your lifetime. They stuck around tough with me for years though. Gave me headaches out of this world and made me question time AND time again if anyone would miss me if I was gone. My daughter doesn’t know it, but she’s the reason I’m still here.  Couldn’t bear to leave her. But those meanies, those meanies tried to make me believe I didn’t matter day after day after day. It’s amazing. Sometimes we come through some stuff and once we reach the other side that hind sight we gain….MANN that is some amazing SHHH! That hindsight let’s you see some stuff you didn’t see before and you’re like MANN  I didn’t even know that was there!

I think it was a wet cold day last November when they tried to sneak their way back in my head. They pounded and pounded against my skull trying to invade my happy world & and I cried. I cried like many times before, this time though I had new armor. I had found myself & learned to love & accept myself and I had someone who I wasn’t afraid to talk to, someone who wouldn’t say to me “Pressure burst pipes” (that shit never helped). And I knew that I was strong &  beautiful and the meanies couldn’t control my mind or my thoughts or my feelings if I DIDN’T LET THEM! I let them settle in long enough to get there spill off and I countered them. I refuted everything they had to say and then released them from me. It was that day that I realized how powerful they were. I had been minding my own personal business and they just came out of nowhere trying to divert and control me. It was also that day that I realized just how powerful I was. I could see that they were there, take in everything they had to dish out then I could dismiss them just as quick as they came without a lingering thought of anything they had tried to make me believe. Hell they’re so much weaker now they barely have the strength to try. I’ve found my joy and I don’t intend to let it go. Meanies can’t live here anymore because I always CHASE THEM AWAY!

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DEPRESSION

DEPRESSIOM